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Topic: Who would u marry? (Read 2931 times)
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Jannah
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wsalam,
heyyy this isnt a "life option" it's obviously hypothetical and in this hypothetical environment there's only two choices... basically to illustrate some psychological points... sheesh i didn't realize the question would be so difficult.
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a_Silver_Rose
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but barely any brother have answered. mostly the sisters answered.
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Medo
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Aslaamu Alaikum Wr Wb,
Hey! It's me again, I'm no longer the Lion. I changed it because it didn't suit me. But to your question, a 'hypothetical' one... here it goes:
Answer: I would marry someone who loved me. You want to know the REASON WHY? Because how could you dislike a person who loves you? That would be with you throughout your entire life trying to cheer you up and make you laugh... if I met a girl like that... heck, I hit the jackpot.
Walakum Asalaam. 
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Faizah
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As salaamu alaikum.
Since I think this was designed to promote thought and conversation, I'll add my 20 cents (inflation boosted it from 2 cents).
In an ideal world I would probably prefer someone that loves me.
However, in the real world, neither option is a good one because it doesn't provide for balance which is a necessary element for happiness. The one that loves will give their all for that person and do everything they can to make that person happy and the recipient may resist and then ultimately tolerate it but never truly love the other person. Eventually, the recipient of the love starts to feel stiffled and smothered and will strive to do anything to avoid being around the other person. This in turn may lead the person that loves to do even more and ultimately feel hurt and rejected and possibly even resentful. and eventually begin to shut down emotionally and never allow themselves to love again and perhaps never be loved either. We sadly read too often about crimes of passion being committed and when examined one of the root causes of problems is this unbalanced love situation where the person that loved and was rejected reacts in a very negative way.
I find that the word "love" is overused. Ideally "love" should be in the context of Allah loves us; we love Allah and we love our parents and our children. These both represent unconditional love in that Allah loves us despite some of the oddball things we may do and we love Allah because He doesn't guide us in wrong ways. We love our parents even if they sometimes make us batty and we love our children even if they don't always make us happy.
Often people will say they "love" their cars, homes, jobs, particular food or color, city or country, fragrance, etc. and sometimes another person, but this type of love changes and is conditional on many factors.
If anything I believe there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. The former, as I said is conditional and can change, whereas the former means that you would be willing to sacrifce all for that person without thought or regret, and when that person dies one feels as if a part of them died too and no amount of anything nor any other person can replace the one lost.
We read often of how much Rasoolullah (salallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) loved Khadijah (ra) and it seems from all that has been described that his love for her ran very deep, that he was indeed in love with her and that even years after her death no one could fill the void felt. Now that's love of the greatest magnitude.
As salaamu alaikum
Fa'izah
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a_Silver_Rose
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asalamualaikum
good point Sis Faizah..Another thing I wanted to say is that its easy to say what you would do ..but when you are actually in the situation where you are inlove with someone and at the same time someone else is in love with you, who would you really pick? When people are in love they dont use their minds. They cant think clearly, its like a disease. So I would think (although many of you have said that opposite) that if you were in love with someone at the time you would just want to marry them if you had a chance and if they do not reject then the person who loves you. Althought it may be smarter to do the contrary..and Allah (swt) knows best...
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Fozia
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[slm]
I definitely know I couldn't marry someone who did not love me back. It would kill me to love the person only to know it's not returned, I'd far rather be alone seriously.
Wassalaam
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Jannah
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wsalam,
ok for you ladies who said you'd rather stay single... first of all that's not a choice here  but secondly I seriously just don't believe you. i think if it was a real life choice and all other variables equal there is no way some girl would say 'oh if i can't have my perfect ideal i'll just never get married la di da' yeah rite... so again i just don't believe it 
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Anonymous
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ASalaamualaikum,
Hmm...I know this is all hypothetical and all, but how do you know if a person loves you
before marriage in order to make this decision? sometimes its obvious, and other times,
arranged or very business like up until the nikah? And doesn't love come after marriage
And just because someone loves you before marriage, it doesn't mean they will love you
after. After marriage is a whole nother ballpark. So as long as the people are good
sincere people, inshaallah the love will come afterwards, (of course not always true).
Just one thing, when we say doesn't love, we don't mean hate, right? The other person
likes, but doesn't love?
Ok sorry, i know it was supposed to be hypothetical but there are just so many other
factors to consider
Ok, my answer? I would chose the one who loved me, cause from personal experience I
eventually loved back
walakumasalaam,
a sister
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lala marcy
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Salam,
Jannah, love encompasses many things. So by saying one would rather be single then get married knowing full well it's a bad situation only to be miserable- heck yeah I'd say I 'd rather be single. I don’t think anyone was talking about a perfect ideal though. Perfection doesn’t exist. But don’t get married just to get married- that's just plain dumb. To say you need the perfect looking spouse, with the perfect job, perfect family, perfect car and bank account, perfect toes..etc etc is just plain ignorant. But noone said that- but I'm just saying.
Anyhow, this discussion is getting circular.
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Fozia
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[slm]
I think this is hypothetical, forgetting all other factors that occur in reality, which one of the two would one do???
Wassalaam
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sugarqueen
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Salam, Jannah, love encompasses many things. So by saying one would rather be single then get married knowing full well it's a bad situation only to be miserable- heck yeah I'd say I 'd rather be single. I don’t think anyone was talking about a perfect ideal though. Perfection doesn’t exist. But don’t get married just to get married- that's just plain dumb. To say you need the perfect looking spouse, with the perfect job, perfect family, perfect car and bank account, perfect toes..etc etc is just plain ignorant. But noone said that- but I'm just saying. Anyhow, this discussion is getting circular.
and thus the truth has been spoken!
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