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Topic: Who would u marry? (Read 2933 times)
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theZman
Madina Siddique
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Gender: 
Posts: 201
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Salam, K here's a light hearted topic... these philosophical questions always come up amongst girls at 2 o' clock in the morning  we had a good time discussing this one in nyc this weekend... thought i'd ask u guys (esp if someone's married their thoughts would be interesting too): Say you only had two choices: Would you marry someone who you loved and didn't love you or someone who loved you and you didn't love.... and why? and btw we had a theory about brothers and sisters answers but i'll let u answer first...
Salam Alaikum,
I choose door number 2.
I can't handle marrying anyone who didn't love me, and I wouldn't impose myself on anyone that way.
The 2nd option resembles my character (I'm a very loving person). I can learn to love my wife with time. As long as there is some kind of chemistry/attraction, no matter how minute, Insha Allah, everything will turn out alright.
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siddiqui
Madina Siddique
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Posts: 102
Is the reward for good, anything but good?
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[slm]
[q] Hmmm interesting....that (almost) none of the married brothers have actually responded to this thread....I guess that answers the question [/q]
Obviously Sr Siham  , All the married brothers are happily married and most (if not all of us) are monogamous , so why would we talk about getting married/ or who would we marry ?
Love has many claims to fame, at least in an Islamic setting it is truly tested only after marriage. When the times are rough(for one or both partners ) their relationship with Allah swt and their behavior, care , concern, for/towards each other is in my opinion the true test of love.
I remember years ago Sr Nur ( of the Layl/night fame ) posting a an incident. During those days she was a full time student with a very hectic schedule and was close to delivering the baby, she came home one day real tiered to find her husband vacuuming and tiding the house ( after he made dinner ,... I think) so that she didn't have to do it. I think I remember her saying this getsure of kindness/love meant more to her than a bunch of roses/box of chocolates/ romantic candle lit eve.
I think this is what love is , the rest is varying degrees of infatuation . I have been through many (conscious/subconscious/unconscious ) phases of infatuation. Alhamdullilah in my wife I found true love.
Again in respose to Sr Siham's question who would I marry ( a future tense) ? Absolutely no one 
[wlm]
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owais
Madina Siddique
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Posts: 180
me <3 madina
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cute. Heh. Jazakullah kheyrun bro
[wlm]
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Siham
Madina Mujahid
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Posts: 779
"Drift away"
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The Power of Love Leaves Lust in the Dust
Lucy Brown smiles at the recollection. Yes, she acknowledges, she is what she studied.
Dr Brown, a scientist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, was part of a team that released the results of a small study showing that love is really more than an emotion.
"It's a motivation, more like hunger or thirst. The other person is a goal," she said.
And she well remembers the compelling drive to score that goal when she met her husband 30 years ago. "Totally," she says softly. He died a few months ago.
"I'd be standing in the lab, staining brain sections, and I'd be thinking: Where was he? What had he read that morning? What might he like? I wanted to show him the work I was doing."
Love, as shown in scans of the brain that she and her co-authors conducted, was more than lust and sex.
It is a desire for an emotional union, an attachment. Lust can be satisfying in the short-term, but romantic love, she said, is consuming and long-term. And all this was shown through the studies she and her colleagues did using the brains of 17 young men and women who each described themselves as "being newly and madly in love".
Different parts of the brain were activated, so researchers could see it in MRI scans.
"Love activates a region of the brain rich in dopamine," she explained, a chemical in the brain associated with rewards.
But when love goes wrong, watch out. "Depression can set in," she said, and can even lead to violence and stalking.
The practical application for her studies, she said, is that it may help psychologists select appropriate antidepressants in people who are pathologically depressed following the end of a love relationship.
"Studies have helped us understand that love is an all-consuming state and a very powerful unconscious system, not necessarily cognitive. This is an important system for survival (of the human race)." One of her co-authors, Helen Fisher, a research anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey, said this helps explain why studies indicate that about 40 per cent of people who are rejected in love end up with clinical depression.
The findings first appeared in 2005 in the Journal of Neurophysiology.
Arthur Aron, of the State University of New York, another of Dr Brown's colleagues, said of the findings: "To emotion researchers like me, this is pretty exciting because it's the first physiological data to confirm a connection between romantic love and motivation networks in the brain."
Scientists even theorise that, for those who become depressed after losing love, these findings may actually result in certain drugs — called SSRIs — being prescribed initially. And then, "for someone to leave themselves open to falling in love", again, patients could be switched to an antidepressant that Dr Brown says enhances dopamine, the chemical associated with rewards and goals.
"This hasn't been medically tested," she cautioned, "but it's talked about, anecdotally."
Added Dr Fisher: "Our results support what people have always assumed — that romantic love is one of the most powerful of all human experiences. It is definitely more powerful than the sex drive."
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"You talk about loving God while you disobey Him; I swear by my life that this is something very strange. If you were truthful in your love, you would obey Him, for a lover obeys whom he loves." (Rabi`a al-Adawiyya)
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