[MADRASA] Anger management
[MADRASA] Anger management
haaris
07/13/01 at 00:49:39
Asalaamu aleikoum brothers and sisters.

I hope that you are full of both imaan and health.

Can anyone point me in the direction of any hadith or articles that counsel us of the dangers of losing one's temper and saying things out of anger?  I've also heard that even if we are right, the way in which we put them across can make us wrong.  Is this correct?  Does it make any sense?

Any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Jazaka' Allahum Khairun
Re: Anger management
SA
12/05/00 at 12:38:16
SubhanAllah, I had been meaning to do some research on good books/ahadith/ayahs on anger; u prompted me to start.  Here's what I've found so far, most of which we've already heard, but the wisdom behind these, subhanAllah...did u know it's a scientific fact that ur blood pressure decreases from standing to sitting?  and sitting to lying down?  Makes sense that recent psych/scientific papers are disputing previous argument to go ahead and vent ur anger/frustrations...I for one know it's hard to think clearly when ur angry!  

The word of Allah is always true.


*********************************************

Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger."

Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 136:
Narrated Sulaiman bin Sarad:
Two men abused each other in front of the Prophet while we were sitting with him. One of the two abused his companion furiously and his face became red. The Prophet said, "I know a word (sentence) the saying of which will cause him to relax if this man says it. Only if he said, "I seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the outcast.' " So they said to that (furious) man, 'Don't you hear what the Prophet is saying?" He said, "I am not mad."

Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
A man said to the Prophet , "Advise me! "The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."

Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 518:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "When Allah had finished His creation, He wrote over his Throne: 'My Mercy preceded My Anger.'

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4759:
Narrated Mu'adh ibn Jabal:
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: if anyone suppresses anger when he is in a position to give vent to it, Allah, the Exalted, will call him on the Day of Resurrection over the heads of all creatures, and ask him to choose any of the bright and large eyed maidens he wishes.

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4760:
Narrated Son of a Companion:
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: He then mentioned a similar tradition described above. This version has: Allah will fill his heart with security and faith. He did not mention the words "Allah will call him". This version further adds: He who gives up wearing beautiful garments when he is able to do so (out of humility, as Bishr's version has) will be clothed by Allah with the robe of honour, and he who marries for Allah's sake will be crowned by Allah with the crown of Kingdom.

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4764:
Narrated AbuDharr:
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4766:
Narrated Atiyyah as-Sa'di:
AbuWa'il al-Qass said: We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as-Sa'di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) as saying: Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4780:
Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: By his good character a believer will attain the degree of one who prays during the night and fasts during the day.

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4781:
Narrated AbudDarda':
The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: There is nothing heavier than good character put in the scale of a believer on the Day of Resurrection.

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4782:
Narrated AbuUmamah:
The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.
NS
Re: Anger management
princess
12/08/00 at 13:00:19
AS'SALAAMUALIKUM :)

i unfortunately don't have any, qur'anic verse or hadiths avaliable like "sa"..but u could pray 2 nafls..or just even do wudu and read some qur'an..and if u can't do that..them drink some refreshing lemonade :) it always helps :) unless u don't like it..them have some nachos or something :) ma'salaam :)
Re: Anger management
haaris
12/12/00 at 05:04:03
Jazaka' Allahum Khairun for your answers.

Sarah: I shall pass your answers on.

The reason I asked this question is that I have a friend whose temper is very quick (although they are equally quick to calm down and apologise).  I just wondered if there were any hadith / articles that expand on the various ayat in the Quran that say we should keep control over our anger.

Salaam
Re: Anger management
bhaloo
12/18/00 at 17:02:37
slm

I just checked I actually did have something on this, perhaps this will help, insha'Allah. :)

From:  At-Taqwa (page 7)  Muharram/Safar 1418.
IslamicCultural Center.  Department of Women's Education.
Dammam, Saudi Arabia.
Naseehah (Advice):


Controlling Anger


Abu Hurayrah said: A man said to the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), "Counsel me     He  said, "Do not become angry."  The man repeated [his request] several times, and he said, "Do not become angry.

Anger is a natural human emotion, and therefore it is impossible for anyone to never become angry.  The meaning of this hadeeth is that one should not act upon his anger and should instead cultivate within himself opposite qualities such as patience and tolerance and being forgiving.

At the time of being angry it is very hard to restrain oneself from manifesting it with words or actions. In this
regard the Messenger of Allaah (salllallaahu alayhi wa sallam) sajd, "The strong is not the one who overcomes
people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.

More often than not, getting angry and losing your cool is ineffective and counterproductive. Exploding and venting increases your angry feelings, puts a strain on your relationships, and potentially damages your health.
When you become angry, your body goes through drastic changes:
Stress hormones are released into the bloodstream. Heart rate and blood pressure surge upward, the body's fat stores discharge causing cholesterol levels to rise, and the immune system is temporarily suppressed as your body prepares itself for 'fight or flight.'

Though some people think that it is healthier to just "let it out,' this view is simply untrue  Research shows that
people who vent their anger get more angry  not  less (3)  Perhaps you've noticed that once you start "letting it out more and more comes out as you dredge up history and add that to what are currently angry about

As venting your anger only increases it is very likely that you will harm or oppress those people at whom it is vented This is why the Prohet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said 'if one of you becomes angry, let him be qujet."'
Suppressing your anger especially if you have been wronged in some way, is a great struggle, but leads to Allaah's love and forgiveness:

And when they (i.e. those who believe]are angry, they forgive. [Ash-Shooraa' (42):37]

Those  [i.e. the  muttaqoon] who repress anger and who pardon men. [Aali-'lmraan (3):134]

The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) advised those who were in a fit of anger to do things that would help to diffuse it.  For example, he said, "If one of you gets angry and he is standing, let him sit and his anger will go away; if not, then he should lie down." 5 Sitting down would make it more difficult to act upon the anger and give you time to cool down. Lying down makes it even more difficult to take any action and will help you to relax and your body to return to normal.

Many times when we are angered, it is not really because of what someone else has done. but because of how we have viewed it, and our anger is a response to those thoughts. Seek refuge in Allaah from these whisperings of Shaytaan.

Do not let Shaytaan fool you into thinking that suppressing your anger is a sign of weakness or that if you don't "stand up for yourself" by acting upon it that people will look  Down on you and you will feel insulted and inferior This is not true We know from the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) that the one who controls himself at the time of anger is the one who is strong. and we know from the Qur'aan that restraining one's anger and forgiving even when angry are virtues

Sulaymaan ibn Surad reported that two persons abused each other in the presence of  Allaah's  Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and one of them fell into a rage and his face became red,   Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "I know of a wording, that if he were to utter it, would get him out of the fit of anger. The word is: I seek refuge in  Allaah  from  Shayta an,  the accursed (Ar. A'oodhu billaahi mm ash-shaytaan-ir-rajeem)."  Then a person went to him who had heard that from the Messenger of Allaah (salla/laahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and said to him, "Did you hear what AIIaah's Messenger said?" He said, " know of a wording if he were to say that, (the fit) would be no more (and the words are): I seek refuge in AIlaah from Shaytaan, the accursed."  And the person said to him, "Do you find me mad?" 6

Imagine your appearance when you are angry and consider that your words and behavior are a form of da'wah.  What are you calling to? Hostility, rage, intolerance, harshness? As all of us are examples to others- new Muslims, non-Muslims, our children-we must be careful to exemplify the qualities that true believers should possess at all times.

Remember that being easily angered or acting upon your anger are signs of weakness, and that patience and being forgiving even at the moment of anger are real strength.

Notes:
1. Saheeh AI-Bukhaari (Arabic/English), vol 8,#137
2. Saheeh Al~Bukhaari (Arabic/English), vol  8, #135, and Saheeh Muslim (Arabic-English), vol 4A, #2609
3 The Healthy Mind. Healthy Body Handbook by Drs David S Sobel and Robert Ornstein (Time Life Medical Seriesj. pp 168~169.
4 Saneeh  Reported by ibn 'Abbaas and collected by Ahmad (Saheeh AI-Jaami #693)
5 Saheen  Reported by Abu Dharr and collected by Ahmad. Abu Daawud and Inn Hibbaan (Saheeh AI-Jaami #694
6 Saheeh AI.Bukhaan (Arabic;Engiish) vol 8  #126  and Saheen Muslim Arabic:English}  vol 4A #2610  Refer to the footnote of this hadeeth for a complete explanation  
NS


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